The Alcohol Algorithm

I’m somewhat blitzed this evening. After a tough day at work I had a great time playing Question Derby at River Run. This isn’t . . . bragging, exactly, but as a 40-year-old drinker, I’ve been drunk many times in my adult life. I tend to pause before speaking or moving when I’m drunk because I’ve adopted a simple, robot-like set of instructions to follow before taking most actions.

1) Do not endanger myself or others. I walk carefully, look for obstacles, avoid bumping things because I know I’m clumsy, don’t drive a car, etc. I sometimes feel like an ostrich having to make its way through a discothecque.

2) Do not say anything stupid. I can get enthusiastic and eager when drinking. I’ve gotten to where I run things I want to say through an extra filter that tests, in essence, “Am I about to say something really stupid or embarassing?”

3) Have fun! If what I’m doing is not dangerous, ignorant, or egregiously outside social norms, I know I can tend to ramble and blather on. I don’t mind saying things that I later think might be odd, random, irrelevant, etc., as long as I’m not making others uncomfortable.

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