OK, I’ll play along. I don’t want to be a hater, because there will probably be at least one good friend reading this who thinks this stuff is AWESOME. Please don’t take it personally. With that out of the way, let’s press on.
There’s lots of bad music in the world. Tiny Tim, Jefferson Starship, Vanilla Ice, any and all Cambodian opera. But I’m picking Foreigner’s “Jukebox Hero” as my least favorite song because it pushes so many buttons. This song is unadventurous. Soulless. Predictable. It’s the culmination of 70s AOR radio dominance. Foreigner takes just a bit from truly classic rock and roll, then filters it until nothing’s left but dull, middle of the road sludge. “Jukebox Hero” is wearying and histrionic, the audial equivalent of being married to an overwrought drama queen with an inflated opinion of his family’s importance. Worst of all, it reminds me of my young self at my worst: immature and unsure, focusing my identity through vague platitudes about rock and roll rebellion and flailing about as I tried to make real connections.