Worst. Song. Ever.

So this wonderful event took place last weekend at Espresso Bueno in Barre. Jen Dole’s been honing her hosting skills for over a decade now and it shows–she’s assured, fun, and reliable at drawing a good crowd. Many brave performers stepped up and essayed some of the worst pop music the world has to offer. I mean, check out the trophies on offer.

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Right? Right??!! This time at least, I was not among the players: I went all by my lonesome and enjoyed good cider and bad music. My notes about the performers follow. Opinions about the latter performances may or may not have been affected by the quantity of cider.

1. A rather dapper guitarist/singer out of Montpelier calling himself The Thing. Wow, that’s a really interesting and offbeat version of “Achy Breaky Heart.” Already gets my vote for most offbeat, WTF number of the night.

2. Folks I’ve known casually through the local trivia/bar crowd for years, performing tonight under the moniker Cheddar, Blue, and Lionel. Not only are they doing Lionel Richie’s “All Night Long,” they got special t-shirts made up with some of the Swahili words from the song. Bass, congas, and ukelele. They’re really fun. Alas, rhythm has wandered far afield. Ah, melody has now followed.

3. “Alone Again, Naturally” done by two women, acapella aside from a couple of shakers to help keep rhythm. Man, Vermont’s really white, look around this room. We have great hats, though. I’d put this roomful of hats up against any locale in Williamsburg or Portland. Why does this song have so many verses?

4. Finally, an exotic import! The Moneymakers have a guy from the faraway land of Connecticut. He’s really hot and his wife is makin’ him show off the goods. They can actually play, that’s a nice change. “Take Me Home Tonight,” who did that? Oh RIGHT, Eddie Money, “The Bad Boy of Rock and Roll”! (Two people in the whole world might get that joke, both from Natchitoches.)

5. *sigh* Yet ANOTHER lesbian covering Corey Hart on the Turkish balaga. I’m so sick of that trend. Actually she makes this song kind of tolerable . . .

6. All right, another guy who can really play guitar. Say, this Creed song sounds pretty good. Must be time to stop ordering drinks.

7. FUCK YOU Manic Pixie Dream Girl, “No Scrubs” is an awesome song!

8. Even more than most people I hate Anne Murray. I see nothing before me but an empty black plain of rage and disdain.

9. OK I know Gotye is overplayed, but I still love this damn song. Somebody that I used to know-owwwwwwwww

10. Why is she getting so many cheers? I mean, she’s OK and all. *looks around room* Ah, high school friends. Go Spaulding!

 

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